


i miss him

by calangkoh



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Misgendering, You know how angst is fun to write? This wasnt, i have to suffer through my heartwrenching ideas so you have to too, im not even proud im just sad, kind of, super short but like...i just had to get it out, whyyyyy whyyyy brain couldnt you let me just go to sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 12:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calangkoh/pseuds/calangkoh
Summary: Steven pilots the leg ship as if he had done it a million times before.





	i miss him

**Author's Note:**

> for when canon is perfect and wonderful and heartwarming and emotionally fulfilling and cathartic in regards to a character you care about immensely for reasons you can’t describe but a part of you wonders what if it wasn’t
> 
> (takes place as if Connie and Steven successfully boarded the leg ship in CYM with the idle crystal gems in tow)

“Are you okay?”

 

He didn’t answer. He was preoccupied with the control hub of the leg ship, which he piloted as if he had a million times before. 

 

Connie stepped closer, trying to get into his field of view, but his eyes avoided her.

 

“Steven?”

 

He winced, and his arms, previously working various screens, dropped to his sides.

 

She repeated his name, and he muttered something.

 

“What?”

 

“Steven’s gone,” he repeated more clearly. 

 

Connie said nothing. She just stared. 

 

Then she spoke, voice shaky, “But you’re right here,” she said with a laugh.

 

“He was never here,” Steven said bitterly. 

 

Connie eyed the idle gems sitting on top of her folded jacket in the corner. Her stomach was in knots and she silently prayed that one of them would just reform already. 

 

“Wh-what are you talking about?”

 

His fists clenched and he snapped, tears in his eyes, “Steven never existed, Connie! I’m sorry!” 

 

He wiped a tear and hugged his arms. 

 

“I’m sorry, Connie. I regained all of…” his eyes looked up, mentally searching (he wanted to say Mom’s but that wasn’t right), “my memories.” 

 

As Connie’s head reeled with disbelief, Steven (?) turned to double check that the Crystal Gems were still out. 

 

He turned back and sighed, “I’m sorry.”

 

Connie laughed again. “Okay, you’re...joking, right?” (but Steven would never play a joke this cruel)

 

“No.”

 

“But...so...you’re…” (Rose?)

 

Steven nodded, then changed his mind and shook his head, albeit with uncertainty. “I’m not the same as I was before, but...for the sake of understanding, yes.” 

 

Connie feared this. Steven had feared this, and Connie assured him he didn’t have to because he was  _ Steven _ but even Connie had her doubts as more memories erupted and Steven’s fears grew to the point where she couldn’t convince him they weren’t real. She collapsed to her knees, eyes locked on...

 

A stranger. 

 

Steven, no, Rose, no, Pink Diamond (WHO) halted the leg ship mid-space and sat down. 

 

Everything about this felt so wrong. For both of them. (And it would certainly feel more and more wrong.)

 

He—she...they. Let’s go with they for now. Sighed again. Eyes on the floor but looking a million yards past it. 

 

“He never existed, but thank you, Connie, for loving him,” tears fell freely now.  

 

“He never existed,” they repeated, “but I miss him.” 


End file.
